this is my last post

for real. I try so hard to get shut down so many times cause there is always someone better then me. whether it is in relationships, work, or even just friendships I am always that other guy. I am gonna try to make it into graduate school but if I dont make it then I will have lost what little hope I have left. my life feels like a downward spiral, at one point i felt like I did have it all but that point is gone and now I feel as if I am alone and all my aspirations are vanishing before my eyes. so here is my good bye to anyone who cares. from this point on I may be a different person, I will continue to hold my moral values but I wont be quick to be a friend just to be let down. i am saying good bye now with hopes of change.

why does it feel like I am at the same standstill that I have been at for so long. I showed my flaws for the first time and now I feel like no one actually wants to care anymore. Things need to change...
I took a job filming for Disney in the parks, could be a good start to a career, who knows. Maybe it'll be the new start I have been hoping for.

For now I am free diving like no other, going next thursday to free dive at South Beach.

I feel

happy for all those that are happy, I feel grateful for all those that have what they have always wanted, but I myself feel a lone and unwanted. It's like the biggest parts of my life vanished and i am my only friend. Miami is probably the loneliest city ever, I never fit in anywhere. During highschool I didn't fit in with any group or click, I had friends but I rarely hung out with them. The other day I was talking to an old friend who told me that my best friend since middle school "moved on", I know he is right but it kinda sucks that the friend who used to come to me for advice and would call me everyday, we'd hang out and get sick off the most ridiculous ice cream sundaes with more toppings then we could handle. Never thought I would be this a lone, ever.....