wow

my mom was on the phone with me today and she managed to ask me the one question I hate most cause I honestly can't answer it "JD, why don't you have a girlfriend?" of which I managed to answer with "I dunno, if I knew why then I would probably have a girlfriend."
I was really enjoying myself and didn't mind being single and then that question just brought everything back. My friend cody was there to cheer me up by telling me this being single thing wont last long and there are a ton of girls that like me, none of which he could name, but it was worth the effort. He then said "Don't you worry I will set ya up with a nice girl, alright?" but I just said "Thanks man but no, I'll wait till the right girl comes along."

my only question is how much longer?

despite my recent bad luck

I am happy, been in a good mood all day and I aint gonna let that go away. I gotta go look at condos today some more, my parents made a offer on this really nice one but we dunno if they are accepting it yet and we won't for another few weeks! I hate all the waiting but when all is said and done I know I will be happier then I have ever been, mostly cause I will have my best friend Tanny and Winston by my side in a few months! AHH I can't wait! I really hope things go as planned and everything works out in the end.

fuck good luck

last night on the freeway my tire blew up, and I had to pull over to the side and try and change it, wouldn't you know it my tire wrench wasn't in my car! so I had to wait for my friend to get there at 1 in the morning to give it to me. A cop pulled over to help me and then when i was finished changing the tire my battery died, fully! we tried rebooting it and no luck, the piece of shit was dead! so my car is at barnes and noble in the parking lot just sitting there helpless and none of my friends can help me move it right now. not to mention I was supposed to go to LA today to go look at places to live in. this is my last weekend to look, fuck this.

my hat is full of tricks, non of which will benefit me in any way at all!

I want this carved into my skin

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove.

O, no, it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved." -William Shakespeare 1609

the greatest flaw that life carries upon its narrow shoulders,

is the feeling of love,
just another intangible "thing" I can no longer feel for another,
when I felt it there was nothing I wanted more,
now that I can't have it I don't want it,
it's been a long time since the shoe fit,
all I can do is wait and pay love no attention,
is it wrong? do I have the wrong intention?



i really need my puppy right now...

new tats

are so relieving, it's like a new car, you just want to look at em forever and there is nothing that can convince you it wasn't worth the money!
I got a best friend that I miss so much and I owe her a tattoo that she is gonna get after we hangout. Well come on then, that tattoo gun is getting cold!

Maybe one day all my dreams and wishes will come true but till then I will just have to wait.

MY BABY! Haha that is Winston with Mikayla!
Winston we are going to travel the world conquering cities one by one! Love you!

Went looking for places today and found a really nice studio where they were cool with me having a dog! The pool was really nice and so was the gym plus it had tennis, volleyball, and basketball courts. I am getting my dog as a therapy dog so I don't have to pay the pet rent. But even while I was there I my mind was elsewhere, I am still happy but every time I go anywhere I feel like there is something missing.



britanny lobdell where did you go? I miss having you as my best friend, you're right things have changed but they can change for the better I promise! I hope you are doing well and everything is as good as it can be.

I can feel...

I can feel myself getting smaller,
getting older,
getting lonelier,
getting stronger,
Could it be that my weakness is also my strength?
There is so much I'd like to say,
So much time to say it,
But time is wistful,
Right when we think there is an endless amount,
Procrastination takes its toll,
Now there is a hole,
Full of unanswered questions and what could've beens,
There is lots of things I wish I did,
Now it's too late and I am gonna have to cope,
You know what? I am ok with that cause I still got hope.

scared

today I drew a picture and as weird as this sounds it scared me. I almost don't want to explain what the drawing was, you'd have to see it yourself or talk to me about it. It started as a poem and to the right I began to draw my grandpa running like he once could. he was holding his cane in his right hand as if he didn't need it. There were stairs that ended abruptly and hovering there at the end was the Angel of Death holding his hand out to him, my grandpa was reaching to grab the hand of the Grim Reaper. He was running up these stairs like he was ready, why did I draw this? I am scared, no lie. I talk to my grandpa more then any friend and I love him, to see him in a wheelchair with a smile upon his ageless face keeps me going. It wont be the same when I go to Miami and I can't visit him.

Thoughts flowing like an uncontrollable rapid,
Honestly the answers are no longer feasible,
Where crossroads meet and forks divide,
There's a sign of guidance,

Sitting there for everyone to see, so vivid,
Yet to every living soul it's invisible,
Could literally be staring eye to eye,
No one thinks it makes any sense,

Slowly one after another lives ended,
Ignorance could never be so insensible,
Signs make lives livable,
You just gotta be willing to take the dance.

Gaping Wholes

Arbitrary to the weary
Strength through hopeful desires
Living with eyes constantly teary
Content with something to hope for
Misanthropic ideals coming from a loving mind
This world offers so much to hate and despise
Religion and racial slurs killing time after time
When will humanity see the world through a blind man’s eyes?
No skin color, no perfection through an anorexic lifestyle
This disgust stretches for a mile
Respect lost without any signs of recovery
In a recession full of lost souls
Personalities once full now empty
This sadness has left many gaping wholes

There are some with their heads held high
Looking down at misdirected hatred from their pedestal
Living off hopes and goals
Loving every breath taken and every choice made
Every mistake turned to lesson
There is never a time where all hope is lost
Just keep your head up and try to pay the cost

I got so much going for me and yet I still feel slightly empty. Not gonna lie I am happy, no doubt about it. Its just I feel like things could be better, it's like being content with something to hope for. Why can't the summer just be here already, I will have a job and a dog, possibly a room mate I can actually trust. But who knows what the future holds....

all these open wounds we could mend,

what's most frightening is losing you as a friend.

Wrote a story, tell me what ya think!

Terrible we find the truth
Hidden except when needed least
Losing all there is to lose
A hungry man with everything but a feast
Lonely with everything but love
Sad and looking at the night sky above
Realizations about reality
Keepers keep the key
Now starved the man’s dying of being too full
Got everything but what’s needed
Life begins to get dull
All advice stricken from the books
What’s advice when it’s a contradiction to the advisor
Useless when needed
All problems exceeded
Trying so hard to see what can’t be seen
Tries talking but no one knows what he means
Now invisible, blind and incoherent
Kept everything back with no room to vent.

Sitting lifeless he keeps back
There is no prearranged track
No getting up and no sitting down
What’s next? Where does he go?
A quick glance allowed eyes to capture another
For a quick minute lives locked
Could she be the one?
Are all his problem’s done?
Time flies and illnesses fade
Months come and go like trade
Untouchable, as far from loneliness as can be
Maybe this is the food he needs
“Could this love be the cure for me?”
Sights lost and again he can’t see
Been through worse and not giving up

Tries to get more from love
Goes back to the girl, still incoherent
She looks into his eyes
This time with a look of discontent
She sees he’s blind
He’s wants what she can never find
“Where’s the girl I met last year?”
He asked as he shed the first imaginary tear
“Sorry, she’s gone and wants nothing more.”
The “Sorry” was like a stab through the heart
A note left that he can’t read
This was not what he needs
A temporary blindness made permanent
All of a sudden what once was a cure
Now a plague of undesired love
What was the love for?
What is ever enough?

Blind, bruised and broken
Longing for a woman’s touch that once was
A smile appears upon his lifeless body
Lying still across the floor
Finding happiness where no one expects
Sight returns and colors fill the air
He takes a look at the world around him
Where did he go? When did he return?
Was it the sorrow that made him happy?

Copied off Britanny, part 2

How did I get to be so lucky?
Who would’ve thought you would wanna be friends with me?
So far yet so close
All I wanna do is take you to the best shows
It’s true I wanna get to travel to somewhere new
Finding the time to really get to know you
I wanna hold your hand
Be your guide when times are rough
Just like the sand
Time spent with you could never be enough
We’ll sit back when tired and just hang out and talk
Watching movies and taking the dog for a walk
Why is it that we live on opposite sides of the country?
Why is it that is has taken this long for you to meet me?
My best friend and the most amazing girl
All I wanna do is show you the world

I sorta copied you Britanny :)

An aspiring vagabond with a home
I wanna be the tourist without the tour
Wandering from place to place just to see the world
There is a sense of adventure in being lost
Lost but in a good way
Just like a movie I just wanna hit play
Let everything unfold before my very eyes
Now life can take on a new size
Surrounded by strangers that aren't so strange
Not as much fun if its arranged
From Ireland to England
From Japan to China
From Morocco to Spain
From Australia to Russia
I want to travel the world more with someone new
If there is anyone I want to travel with it's you

I AM SO STOKED!

Hopefully Britanny will be here in APRIL!
This has been the best birthday ever, got to talk to my best friend all day (which I would love to get used to, even though I already am), my mom got me a bunch of stuff, oh and this:

SAY HELLO TO WINSTON, COMING MARCH 16!