I hate coming to Miami

and hanging with friends cause the majority of them forgot about me anyway, why would they remember me or want to hang out with me. If it wasn't for my family there would not be a reason to come to this fucking shit hole. It sucks to have the majority of my best friends forget about me, these are friends that I spent almost everyday of highschool hanging out with and now I am just a past memory. The only reason this bothers me is my all time greatest friend from Middle school invited me to come hangout with her and some friends and she acted like I wasn't there and then I try talkin to her later and she acts like she really doesn't want to speak to me. Losing old friends is like losing old memories even if people say old memories are always there to stay.

Winston is by far my best friend with the exception of shitting on my bed today! I couldn't ask for a better dog ever, he follows me everywhere now and keeps a smile on my face which is something I am just getting used to.


I am uncomfortably comfortable being alone.

bleh my face hurts

so much! I was awake the majority of the operation on getting my wisdom teeth pulled, it was so weird!



Britanny Lobdell I got news for ya. Please try and call me again, I am at the point where I can talk and there is no one I want to talk to more! I still can't believe you called me the one time I couldn't talk, when I was on the plane!

all in all I

just became a lot happier!

All i gotta say is

I am going to pick up Winston tomorrow and I have never been more excited!

What happens when dreams become the only source of communication?

They say dreams come true
Dreams of unrelenting joy
Dreams in which I would never have to wake up
For waking up disrupts that of which I don't have to wish will come true

Then there are the dreams of an unsurpassed terror
Nightmares by definition
No words could do these dreams justice
Justice through the jaws of a hardened criminal

Dreams are like wishes brought to life
Then in the blink of an eye taken away
Forgotten with no sign of recovery
Why does this always happen to me?

Dream, to dream, to hope for a better day
To always have something to say
And for that something you said to haunt you as your eyelids shut
Accountable for anything I say or do, whether I like it or not

But one dream keeps reoccurring
A dream I can't ever see coming true
It's one where I see someone I had never met
With this dream I wish came a clue

She haunts me as she looks into my some-what non-existent eyes
Where is this ghost now, this beautiful punishment?
Could she be a product of my lonely imagination through and through?
Or maybe she is the wish that still needs to become true.

Why is it that anger finds its way to show itself every time I awake?
Realizations of never going to get this one sense of satisfaction
Every time I dream I believe
Every time I awake I deny

just

got my first laser removal today and all I can smell is the glorifying scent of burned hair and skin. It really didn't hurt all that bad but I wish I was more careful when I was getting the tattoo.

Last night my grandpa wanted me to read him some of the stuff I wrote so I did. I never felt better, he is by far one of the only ones to make me feel like I am wanted.

School is almost over before my week vacation which means that I will have my dog soon.





I am the forgotten.

beauty.

Many have lost touch with what beauty is. It all relies on personality, a gorgeous super model loses her sense of beauty the second arrogance takes over. People need to accept other not by looks or first appearances but by an everlasting impression invisible to the naked eye.

haha I have a crush on Julie Andrews, also known as Marry Poppins, in the past such natural beauty and the most amazing voice ever!

I got the most retarded smile on my face cause I am really genuinely happy like I always used to be! I still can't believe in a few months I will be trekking either across Europe or Australia. Doin a lot of research before I go and picked the one friend I would like to go with. How was I so lucky to have the greatest family in the world. I love them with all my heart, as for this one mystery friend you know who you are and I hope you will come with me! You have been my best friend for soooooo long and we have been by each others sides more then enough times without actually being there. I couldn't ask for a better friend!


I LOVE LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!

this morning I woke up with dry blood all over my face and hands.
could be the dry air or a mixture of things,
all I know is I slept through my bloody nose.

there really isn't much to say now, I have no poem and no deep inner thoughts.
as of right now I am void of any deep emotions and to be quite honest it feels nice.

been too long

Arbitrary to the weary
Strength through hopeful desires
Living with eyes constantly teary
Content with something to hope for
Misanthropic ideals coming from a loving mind
This world offers so much to hate and despise
Religion and racial slurs killing time after time
When will humanity see the world through a blind man’s eyes?
No skin color, no perfection through an anorexic lifestyle
This disgust stretches for a mile
Respect lost without any signs of recovery
In a recession full of lost souls
Personalities once full now empty
This sadness has left many gaping wholes

...and love, oh the sweet stench of love
The sickness we call love for another
A sickness better accepted,
and when weary let go
Speaking too hastly some may say
Love may leave some with a broken clock
The clock resting inbetween your ribcage
That no longer goes tic toc tic toc
Rightfully so it helps those with a series of mishaps
One must fail on numerous occasions to succeed
Mother always said learn from your mistakes
For your mistakes will often become your accomplishments
What if my mistakes are outnumbered?
Out Dated?
There will always be that perfect answer, that perfect number,
Maybe that number is waiting, holding still
No time waited is worthy without searching
Spend less time sobbing and more time trying

surprises

are meant to show someone you still care enough to not tell
you'll see!